If Your I's Offend Thee, Then Pluck Them Out

By Dakota Balmore

= means "change to"

1 - If your character is with a companion, use "we" to replace "I" or he/she and “I”.

I’d like to rent a room for the night. (or “She and I would like…”) = We'd like to rent a room for the night."

I'm just thinking how you and I are like soul mates. = Do you notice how much we're like soul mates?

What do you say if I put up a little of Aunt Jessie's money? = Let's put up a little of Aunt Jessie's money.

2 - Attribute an action to a concept rather than to the character.

…then maybe I can use my gift to win money. = …then maybe my gift can win money.

He was a man I couldn’t understand. = He was a man who defied comprehension.

3 - Attribute an action to the point of view of the concept rather than of the character.

I saw light coming from under a nearby door. = A light shone from under a nearby door.

I heard partying sounds coming from inside. = Partying sounds came from inside.

4 - Make a general statement about something rather than attribute that thing to the character's action.

I don't understand. = It's incomprehensible.

I found the record book. = The record book is here.

5 - Attribute an action to another character rather than to the one speaking.

It's something I've kept from you. = It's something you don't know about.

I understand that you speak three languages. = You speak three languages, correct?

6 - Don't attribute a desire or an assumption to the speaker. Make it a direct statement about the character being spoken to:

I'd hate for you to lose your money. = You'll just lose your money.

I should be at your place in forty minutes. = Look for me in forty minutes.

7 - Instead of declaring the character didn’t ________, ask a question.

I didn't see a gate. = Where is the gate?

I didn’t have anything to do with it. = Who’s responsible for doing it?

8 - When you have two characters do something in turn, combined their activity into doing it in unison.

I looked at Sarah and she stared back. = We girls stared at each other.

I pointed back and forth between Sarah and I. = I pointed back and forth between us (girls).

9 - Anytime your character says they think or have seen something, have them state it or put it in the form of a question.

I thought the land was public. = It looked like public land.

I thought you said he wasn't violent. = Didn't you say he never got violent?

I’ve never seen so much empty space on your desk before. = Has there ever been so much empty space on your desk before?

10 - Substitute “my” for “I” whenever possible.

… deciding if I should take off my headband. = …wondering if my headband should be removed.

I felt my head aching. = My head ached.

11 - If the sentence is a rewording of a common expression, use the expression.

Whatever dishonesty I use to get the job done, I'm sure can be overlooked. = The means justifies the ends.

If I watch him, he’ll never do it. = A watched pot never boils.

12 - In giving acknowledgment, use a general phrase instead of declaring for the character.

Oh, I will. = Oh, no problem.

I agree, sir. = You’re right, sir.

13 - Sometimes reversing the subject and the object nouns will help in writing out “I”.

I must get permission from the owner. = Permission from the owner will be required.

I had a karate expert sitting next to me. = A karate expert sat next to me.

14 - Sometimes two sentences starting with “I” can be combined causing one “I” to be lost.

I know what camouflaging looks like. I can find it by myself. = I know what camouflaging looks like and should able to find it by myself.

I ran to the corner. I poked my head around it to see. = I ran to the corner and poked my head around it to see.

15 - Attribute an action to the ones causing it, instead of the character receiving it.

I'm supposed to show up first thing Monday morning. = They want me to show up first thing Monday morning.

I received the wafer in my mouth. = The priest placed the wafer on my tongue.

16 - Don’t “wonder”, make it a question.

I wonder if she’s French. = Is she French?

I wonder what my aunt would say. = What would my aunt say?”

17 - Try asking the question containing “I” in another way.

What can I do for you? = What do you want?

Who can I get to help you? = Who would you like to see?

18 - In a compound subject, attribute the action of one assisting the other rather than both doing the action together.

My friend Sarah and I can stay and keep an eye on things. = My friend Sarah can stay to help me keep an eye on things.

19 - When a character speaks about her/his own birthday, use the number as an adjective to modify the word "birthday".

…until I'm twenty-two. = …until my twenty-second birthday.

20 - Rearrange "I" with "my" whenever possible.

I'm sorry. = My apologies.

I’m particular about how I present something. = My presentation is important to me.

21 - Replace the phrase "As I (past tense verb)…" with the verb in "ing" form.

… as I envisioned my mother's smile. = … envisioning my mother's smile.

22 - Never use "The more I … the _______ I …

The more I tried to appease him, the dumber I sounded. = Trying to appease him only made me sound dumber.

23 - When asked a question, don't reiterate with "I".

“What do you want?", "[I want] A Tattoo."

24 - In dialogue, write the sentence without the subject.

I'll check on you Sunday. = Check on you Sunday.

25 - Seek to cut short sentences with I and see if the manuscript can do without them. Many may be superfluous.

I don't know. I can try. = I can try.